THE AMAZINGNESS OF GOD + MY BROKEN SELF
Whenever it comes to writing a blog I always struggle so much because I don’t know what to say. On one hand there’s so much that God is doing and teaching me that I could literally write forever but on the other hand I have nothing worthy of the time it will take for you to read; I’m just living, sinning and struggling every day to stay above the waves of life (enjoy that wonderful ship pun).
So, this blog shall be a mix of both those things, the amazingness of God and my broken self threw in for good measure.
I returned to the ship for a second year at the end of September, a little apprehensive but more confident than last year because I knew what was to come... or at least I thought I did. God took away that confidence I had in myself very quickly. The first thing I got to do when I arrived on board was to go to a meeting in my new department - events onboard - in which I would be serving as an events coordinator; brainstorming, organising and running events on the ship. I thought I was made for this role, I was excited and ready to begin. But at that meeting, I don’t think I have ever felt so inadequate in my life. I like to have an opinion. I like to speak up. But in this meeting, I didn’t even have any idea what was going on never mind have the ability to form an opinion or thought. It was not a good start, to say the least.
But God in His almighty way has been by my side, making things happen even when I forget major things or mess up bad. I have never seen His power so clearly as I have this past month in my new role. The events department is a bunch of inexperienced idiots (to put it politely) but somehow lives are still changed through what we do. If that isn’t almighty power, I don’t know what is. And when things go well it reminds me of the truth of this verse all the more:
"Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:31
The rest of the ships life when I arrived back was nearly as overwhelming as the new job. There were loads of new people which felt so strange. It’s hard to put it into words but imagine walking into your living room at home and finding a stranger sitting there only to find out that your parents had rented out your sister’s old room and this guy is now going to be around every day. It’s your home but now you have to share it with someone you don’t know and do it with a smile because that’s what your parents want. That’s kinda what crew changeover on the ship is like, loads of people you know and love leave to be replaced with strangers who you now have to try and love too. God was really testing me and still is to have a Christ-like attitude in all parts of my life, to be welcoming, to be kind, to love. I’d love to be able to write that everything is good now, but the truth is I still don’t even know many of their names (there are over a hundred so this isn’t quite as ludicrous as it sounds). However, God is teaching me what is really important: that I need to be more Christlike - not just in welcoming these new people but in every part of my life and that’s something beautiful. When we are tested, we can look to Christ as our example to follow as Hebrews 2:18 says,
“For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”
Throughout all for these seemingly negative emotions and experiences, there have been many high points because God is good and blesses even the most mucked up people like myself. There was a literal high point of visiting the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Sugarloaf Mountain with breathtaking views of the city. There was a wonderful celebration of the ships for two years in Latin America. There have been amazing times connecting and having fellowship with friends on board and being able to grow together. And there was one local girl I met on one of my ministry days who I got to pray with and encourage to live her life for God. And then because of the wonderful plan of God and her mother’s prayer that I would get to see them again, I got another opportunity to see her and her mum at an onshore event I was assisting at. Once again, I got to pray and encourage them and Gods hand above it all really encouraged me that despite the struggles I am where He wants me to be.
Overall what God is teaching me so far this year is that I’m just a small part in the equation, He is the main factor. In my brokenness, it is impossible for me to be anything more, but God fills the gap. That does not mean my part is not important but everything flows from Him, my power is His, my success is His, my life is His.
I hope that whatever you are spending this year doing you can make sure that He is the most important part of it.
To finish I’d like to just share one prayer request with you guys, that in the midst of the craziness, either job related or just overall life that I would be able to focus on the amazingness of God.
Feel free to shoot me a message if you want to hear more or just say hi, I miss you guys and being at CE each week. If you would like (slightly) more regular updates about what I’m getting up to, I would love to add you to my newsletter too!
Love and prayers,
Kiara
